so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
