Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
