All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
