your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
