We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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