my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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