Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
