I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
