Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
