You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm at about main and main street
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
