I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize