so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
