that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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