Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm like, not good at living.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
