He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
