I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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