at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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