I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I will pee on everything he values.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
