just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
