I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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