apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
