Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
