yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
