Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Randomize