He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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