Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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