If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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