I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Randomize
