Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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