i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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