I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
