It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
