I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
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