Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
