I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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