We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
