Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
