Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
