you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
