Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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