I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
