im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
