Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize