Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
