need another drink. this is the easiest way
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
