so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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