And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize