At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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