Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
