When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
