The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
