I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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