Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
