The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
