Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
