how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
