ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
