I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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