I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
