I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
