Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
