I've blown a few things in my day
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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