he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
