I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
