my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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