The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
