this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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