his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
