So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Mom said you looked used
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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