haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
