just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
