I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
