I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
