P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
