Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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