please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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