I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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