you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
