My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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