Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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