Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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