1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
