I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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