A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
