3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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