Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize