He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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