I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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