I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize