So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
