its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
