That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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