You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There r osticjed everywhere
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
