he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
