like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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