i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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