I accidentally burped into my bong.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
