How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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